omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize