I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
