my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
