home. puking in laundry basket.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
