So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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