even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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