You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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