in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
