So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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