good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
