Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
