Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
