dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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