Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
