is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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