I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
