She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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