Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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