what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
