Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Are we still banned from the library?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
