You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
