My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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