so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
