Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
