sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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