you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
