No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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