Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
