we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
