So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
