I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
