He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
