She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
