Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
