We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
