Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
