nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
