I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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