the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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