we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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