its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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