You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
