i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
