3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
