so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
