I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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