loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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