Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
