Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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