You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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