I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
