i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
