Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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