I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
