So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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