We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
