Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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