paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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