dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
