Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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