Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
