This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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