i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
