Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
