I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
